Lyrics to The Beer :

The beer i had for breakfast was a bottle of mad dog

and my 20/20 vision was fifty percent off

you said punch-buggy red and punched me right in my left eye

i said don't you mean pediddle? and i lit his house on fire

he came home on acid i was holding his shotgun

i was dressed like tina turner in beyond thunder dome

he said don't shoot, i said i won't i love you you're my friend

i handed him my wig and shot myself in the head

then i stuffed a box of tissues in the hole in my skull

i got in my mazda and i drove to the mall

i got a big johnson shirt and some silicone tits

when i pulled out the tissues they were covered with shit

and the beer i had for breakfast was a box of cheap white wine

and the boom box on my shoulder was a box of clementines

i ate every single one without noticing the mold

you said you're gross my darling, i said no i'm rock and roll

even though i'd never ever been in a band
i got cool as black ice tattooed on my hand

and the christians gave me comic books as if i would be scared

of burning in hell well i was already there

and the beer i had for breakfast silver bullet in the brain

and the beer i had for lunch was a bottle of night train

and the beer i had for dinner was my crazy neighbor's pills

we had to sit down on skateboards jut to make it down the hill

then i peed my pants and you stole the groom's cigar

and some old man made me watch him masturbate locked in his car

when i got back to the apartment you were face down on the floor

you said don't go to bed yet let's go get a 64

and the beer i had had for breakfast was a pint of jim beam

and a fifth of peach schnapps and some warm sunny d

and you said bottoms up just as i bottomed out

i tried to scream fuck you but blood was pouring out my mouth

evan dando never planned on telling you the truth

and your leonardo i.d. card is your fountain of youth

you can be a teenager for your whole fucking life

just find some pretty sucker and make that bitch your wife

i guess by now you all know my friends danny broke his neck

he was driving home from sirens when he got into a wreck

first i cried for him and then i cried for me

haunted by the ghost of the girl i used to be

but the rocks with holes are warm in my hands

and i buried my toes in the hot hot sand

and the silver pink pony kisses me and says

you've come a long, long way and you deserve to be really happy.